Man in White Read online

  The Counselor again entered Saul’s reasoning. “So how can you count the miracles of God? And why do you marvel when any miracle with God is only a drop of mist from the floodtide of his overflowing divinity? Therefore, the seed of David does indeed sit on the throne at the right hand of the Most High, born of a woman to sacrifice the blood of atonement, his blood.”

  Weakened in body from such highly stimulating spiritual experiences, Saul lay back on the narrow bed, his arms hanging limply off the sides. He breathed deeply, and after a few moments he was quiet and peaceful again.

  Someone entered the room, and he heard the clatter of dining utensils. Then he smelled the food. “Take it away, please,” he said kindly. “I shall not eat.”

  “Yes, Master,” said the young woman who had brought the food. She quietly left the room with the tray of food, leaving the odor of broiled fish behind. But it was spiritual food Saul hungered for, the Spirit of Truth, the Spirit of Wisdom.

  He then became aware of another odor, an earthbound odor, the pungent, musky odor of his own body. He realized that he hadn’t washed. He arose immediately and with outstretched arms made his way around the room until he found the washbasin. He found the bowl and the pitcher of water. In a small dish he found the round ball of soap made from lamb’s fat, ashes, and pumice. He bathed himself thoroughly with the perfumed water and, having finished, slowly turned in a circle until he felt he was facing the general direction of the Temple at Jerusalem. He prayed fervently and sincerely, more praise than prayer. In his blindness, he poured out his soul to God in a prayer of praise and thanksgiving.

  Having finished his prayers, Saul sang softly from the Psalms while feeling around again for his bed. Reclining, he said, “What is man, that you are mindful of him? Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.”

  Now, O Lord, he thought, let me be receptive to the voice of your counsel.

  The Voice said, “You may study under every human teacher, read every written scroll, and learn all the theology of the ages. You may intellectually understand all the statements of truth, Saul, but until you realize the indwelling of the Anointed One in your life, you can count it all as meaningless. The Spirit of Truth, the Spirit of Love must abide within you, that you yourself may become a source whence childlike goodness and love spring forth as living water.” From the sacred writings of Isaiah came these words to Saul that the Voice now spoke. “I will give you the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the Lord, who calls you by your name, am the God of Israel. For Jacob my servant’s sake, and Israel my elect, I have called you by your name.

  “I proclaim to you anew the hallowed commandment,” continued the voice of the Teacher, “that you love your neighbor as yourself.”

  “But why me? Why did you choose me?” he asked.

  “For this purpose have I called you, to be my apostle, to carry my gospel to all people.”

  Saul answered, “I am not handsome, Lord. My features are not those that appeal to the eye. I am no orator. When I have tried to address those in my own synagogue, my speech is weak and contemptible. No one will listen to me. You need a stronger vessel than me to pour out your living water.”

  The Voice answered simply and kindly, “My strength is made perfect in your weakness. You shall be my minister and a witness both of things which you have seen and of things which are to come. I shall give you power in oration. When you stand to speak my name, it is I who shall speak through you. I will bring to your mind everything I would have you speak. My power shall be manifest in your acts, in your words, and in your countenance.”

  “Your will be done in my life,” said Saul, waiting, wondering what would happen now. The Voice had implied that Saul was going to see into the future. Such honors, such gifts had been given only to the prophets of old, the seers of God. He could not fully grasp the import of the idea. He had always been wary of “seers” and false prophets, but this was something different, something real. A marvelous thing was happening to him, and he was eager and anxious for the next words. But there was silence for a while, and no voice came, no revelation.

  Saul sat up on the bed and opened his eyes. Darkness. He stood up and reached out his hands, taking a few steps. He made his way around the room, feeling the walls, the doorway, the window, and the furniture. The Voice remained silent. He found his bed again and sat back down, trembling and slightly chilled. His hands were cold, for his thoughts were frightful. He remembered suddenly the faces of Stephen and the others. He panicked in his blindness as he thought of the innocent women and children who had suffered at his hand. He remembered the pleading words of Baanah ben David and the pain his old friend had suffered in seeing Saul dedicated to violence in the name of God. He felt shame in recalling the last meetings with the high priest. Saul had demanded the high priest’s blessing on his mission. And his sister, Sarah, and the young Jacob—what pain were they suffering because of his infamous acts?

  He cried out, “O Holy One . . .”

  Before he could say anything further, the warm, comforting presence touched him, and the Voice said,“Purge your conscience of dead works and prepare to serve the living God.”

  “But I am guilty of shedding innocent blood. With great zeal I have persecuted beyond measure pure-hearted seekers of truth,” said Saul.

  “You have confessed your sins,” said the Voice, “and he is faithful and just to forgive you, cleansing you from all unrighteousness. You have been given a new commandment. The end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, a good conscience, and a faith unfeigned.”

  The Teacher spoke to Saul for a long time, and his mind opened up to greater and greater truth. He was overwhelmed by the fact that he was chosen to be the object of such divine love. He remained in total submission to the Teacher’s voice. It soothed him and lulled him into a light sleep, yet even in sleep the Teacher continued to speak to him, to tell him things, and to show him things that he would always remember. His mind, in sleep, was receptive to the wisdom the Voice of love imparted.

  A smile formed and stayed on his face. Laugh wrinkles appeared in the leathery skin around his sightless eyes.

  Pictures were forming in his mind. The afterimage of the Man in White appeared in Saul’s mind’s eye, and he heard the precious yet fearful Voice say, “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.”

  “The first and last letter of the Greek alphabet,” Saul said. “What does it mean?”

  “I am Alpha, the source,” said the Voice. “I am Omega, the fulfillment. From the source, from Alpha, you spring forth as my elect. To Omega, I will go with you and glorify you. Omega shall be Alpha. The end shall be the beginning. I am Alpha and Omega. You have your beginning in me who has no end.

  “See now, Saul. Now come certain revelations to you,” said the Voice. “The fellowship of the mystery which from the beginning of the world has been a secret of God. He created all things by the Son. Without him nothing was made that has been made.”

  “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God . . .” Saul began, but he stopped, for the Voice was explaining the very thing Saul found confusing.

  “God spoke in times past through the prophets. In these last days, he speaks through his Son, who is heir of all things, and you are joint heir with him through his atoning blood. Through the atoning blood of the Son, the kingdom of heaven.

  “God’s covenant with Abraham is everlasting, and now out of the seed of David has come the new covenant of faith, the new testament of God. His gift to all humankind, the sacrifice of his Son as propitiation for all sins, the fulfillment of the Law.

  “Nothing shall destroy God’s chosen, so that his plan may be fulfilled. They shall be scattered. They shall be persecuted. They shall be killed and gleaned on every hand. The remnant of the chosen shall survive genocides as in the days of Mordecai and Esther. The remnant shall multiply and scatter again and again. Inquisition and holocaust shall come. The hea
rts of the chosen shall at times wax cold in the belief that God has forgotten the covenant with Abraham, that he has neglected to send his Promised One. But God is faithful and is not lax concerning his promise.

  “In due time the Anointed One came to establish the cornerstone of his church to be gathered in these last days. A jaded people failed to recognize in him the Spirit of the Most High. The Holy Spirit now begins a work in chosen men such as yourself, Saul of Tarsus, to gather the bride together, faithfully preparing her for the return of the Bridegroom. You shall go forth to the Jews scattered abroad and to the Gentiles, declaring the gospel of his salvation to all men. Doors shall be opened to you, and doors will be closed to you. Not your will, but the will of God shall direct you. Through deliverance of the message of the love of the Son, of his sacrifice and resurrection, shall the remnant of Abraham’s seed be finally gathered together.”

  “I am afraid,” Saul said silently. “I am flesh and blood. I am a man as any man.”

  “The incorruptible mind of the Holy Spirit shall live in you,” breathed the silent Voice.

  After a moment of silence, the Voice again spoke to Saul, and through his blinded eyes he again caught a glimpse of the glory of God. “Now,” said Jesus, “I shall show you what great things you must suffer for my sake.”

  Saul suddenly lost awareness of his own body, of the room, of the scales on his eyes. He saw a great sea in his vision. In the sea were voices calling to him in every tongue. “Paul! Saul! Paolo! Paulus!” they shouted. “Come and help us. Teach us.”

  Saul felt a closeness with the Counselor, the Teacher. The holy Voice said, “This is the meaning of your dream of the voices in the water. To the many isles of the sea you shall go, preaching in my name. To your own people you shall first take my gospel, to the synagogues out of which you shall establish congregations. The salvation of God is revealed to all men. He has other vessels like yourself. Many are called, but few are chosen,” said the Teacher. “Those Gentiles who became one with God through the indwelling of his Spirit through his Son shall become engrafted into the vine of Israel. The vine shall be pruned by the husbandman of the vineyard until perfect fruit is borne. Many shall believe in me, yet many shall reject me. You shall suffer severely for the cause for which you have been called.”

  Saul saw himself moving swiftly in a matter of seconds from Damascus to Arabia to Jerusalem. From there he saw himself in Judea, Samaria, Syria, Cilicia,Macedonia, Greece, and Italy, city after idolatrous city. “Look down upon the task for which you are given. Those minds are totally opposed to the gospel which you will deliver, yet those souls hunger for its substance. Observe your lot.”

  He saw terrible scenes of torture, of floggings and stonings—all kinds of verbal and physical abuse. He saw himself age in a moment, his head becoming bald and his back bent. Upon his own face, he saw that Stephen-like countenance of joy. He saw that he was not alone, that various companions accompanied him wherever he went, and that his joy increased with his suffering.

  In each strange place in which he saw himself, he saw other companions and followers, faithful men who shared his sufferings with him as well as his moments of joy. Crowds followed him as if he were a leader, yet at times he saw crowds hostile toward him. He sensed that the Spirit of the Man in White was always with him.

  “Come,” said the Voice. “I will show you many things. Some mysteries you are to keep locked within your heart for all time. Other truths you are to share, and there are things which shall not be revealed even to you. See and hear now what is yours to witness.”

  There was a deeper darkness about Saul, and he felt weightless, suspended in the air somewhere above Damascus—no, farther—somewhere out of the environs of the world. Then he saw the stars, and farther away still he found himself looking at the streams of stars, swirling as if from a wheel. He was seeing a galaxy. The galaxy of millions of stars or suns, billions of suns, with great distances between each. He saw worlds that shone and sparkled with colors and light that he had never known before.

  “The Lord God has made the heavens and the heaven of heavens. See how he hangs the worlds upon nothing. The Lord God has numbered and named all the stars and all the worlds in his creation. He calls all the worlds by their names. The Lord rejoices in his works as a little child.”

  Saul saw that there was no end to space, and no beginning. Beyond all these works, his mind asked, what lies there?

  For an instant, beyond the outer reaches of space, he saw a light, a fierce, overpowering light. The light was not part of the glitter of galaxies strung out endlessly throughout the blackness of space. The light was outside all this wonder of creation and of an intangible nature. The magnificence of the light appalled even the spiritual mind and being of Saul, and he realized that this light was the Light of creation, which was on a different plane of existence from the countless stars and worlds. He felt suddenly that there was an unbreachable gulf between him and the Light.

  The Light! This was the Light from which the Man in White had come to him, across the chasm between himself and holy heaven. “Am I seeing heaven?” he asked, and he pleaded to the Voice to let him see more. “The dwelling place of God?”

  The Voice sang to him, and he recognized the sweet words from the psalm: “Your Lord is clothed with honor and with majesty. He is covered before you with light as with a garment. He walks upon the wind, and he makes flames of fire to be his ministers.

  “See the earth now through the eyes of the Creator, a precious blue and white marble spinning in a sea of darkness. You are to bring his light to those in spiritual darkness.”

  He was looking again at the afterimage of the Man in White in his mind’s eye. He was aware that he was lying upon his bed in the house of Judas, yet he felt the channel still open to the Voice.

  “Do not marvel at the things that you have been shown. Though he creates countless worlds, he shall now live within you—but only when your own self is diminished, when you shall become as a little child. The author of the magnificence of all creation desires to abide in you in childlike purity. Not a sparrow falls that he does not see. The Creator of suns observes the death of a butterfly.

  “Consider the love of the Lord; see how it is manifest in all creation. He separated the land masses of this world and formed the seas. He commanded the sunrise to know its place and time. In love he brings rain upon the earth, to satisfy the desolate ground. He causes the tender herb to spring forth. He knows the ordinances of heaven. He brings the constellations forth in their own season. He brings the wind. He holds treasuries of water and snow and brings them forth in season. He provides the raven its food. He marks the time when the wild goats in the rocks bring forth young; he knows the number of months till they bear. He gave the beautiful wings to the peacock. He hardens the heart of the ostrich against caring for her eggs; she turns her back on her young, for many of them will go to feed other creatures. He gave the horse strength and put thunder in its neck; it goes into battle in fierceness and rage. The hawk and the eagle mount up as he has made them to do. But of all creation, the apple of his eye is man.

  “In love he created man, and he would have no man suffer, but that he should come to know his love and come to him. To man he gave dominion over all the earth. His covenant with him has not been forgotten. The heirs of the covenant must restore it and show fulfillment of it through belief in his Son. This is your task.

  “You have been shown your sphere of ministry in order that you might know the significance of your calling. Study to show yourself approved of God, a workman who must never be ashamed but boldly speak his truth.”

  The sound of rushing waters, the living waters, returned to Saul’s spiritual ears. Behind the scales of his eyes a face took form, the bearded face of a young man. Then the Voice spoke from out of the waters, “When next you open your eyes, you shall see this face. This is my servant Ananias, who is sent to minister to your needs. He has been faithful to his calling, and you shall find in him a kind
red spirit.”

  Saul studied the face in his mind’s eye. The joy of the Nazarene radiated from it. He thought of Stephen and of Barnabas.

  The vision and the Voice were gone with the sound of the door opening.

  “May I come in?” asked Judas.

  “Yes, Master,” said Saul.

  “There is a man outside to see you,” said Judas. “He says he was sent to you but will not say who sent him.” Judas paused, but Saul did not answer. “He wears a homespun robe and old sandals,” Judas continued. “I suspect he is one of the followers of the Nazarene.”

  Saul almost smiled. “Why do you suppose he is?”

  “What does it matter?” Judas asked.“You can see no one, can you? Can you see at all yet?”

  Saul smiled. “I can see eternity.”

  “I do not want those people in my house, Saul,” said Judas.

  “Why?” asked Saul.

  Judas was angry. “I sent a message to the high priest that you have abandoned your mission. I am waiting for instructions from him.”

  Judas paced the floor. Saul raised a hand, and Judas looked down at him.

  “What is the name of the man who has come to see me?” he asked his host.

  “His name,” said Judas,“is Ananias. Do you know one here by that name?”

  Saul paused before answering. “He is my . . . physician,” he answered haltingly.

  “Your physician?” Judas exclaimed. “He is no physician; he is dressed in homespun and carries neither medicine nor physician’s instruments.”

  Saul sat up on the bed and turned his sightless eyes upon Judas. “Please allow him to come in if you will,Master Judas. He has been sent to me.”

  Judas went back into his chamber and called in a scribe. “The letter I am about to give you to the high priest,” he said, “must have the highest priority. Couriers must stop neither day nor night until it reaches his hands.”